A recent trip to Italy was a first for me in two ways: my first time in the country and my first time joining a study abroad program. As fun as it was, I was working. A part of me felt “on” most of the time. I didn’t go too far in my free time in case I needed to address something. However, I loved the trip. It is a great program. Students knock out two classes in 18 days. The time abroad serves as research for their assignments—due at the end of the summer term.
© Alma Hoffmann, 2024
I have been abroad by myself or with my family for conferences and other reasons. Many countries abroad view Americans as entitled. Is it a prejudice? Probably. Is it true? Sometimes. Does it affect our day-to-day interactions? Certainly. I refer to these interactions as cold-boiled eggs.
One of my favorite things to eat is eggs. I like them fresh, hot, and nicely made. Cold eggs make me cringe. Guess what? The eggs were cold for every breakfast I had except for those in Venice and Verona. I was in disbelief. I mean, who eats cold eggs? My colleague chuckled at my reaction.
© Alma Hoffmann, 2024
At first, I thought the eggs were cold because I was late for breakfast. When I got up earlier, I found them cold again. Sometimes, a very slight and faded sense of warmth evaporated from the breakfast bar, like a dream that vanished. Despite my distaste for them, I ate cold eggs in the mornings.
I did not have to eat them, that is true. But if I wanted eggs, I would have to eat them cold. I had to adjust and hold on to the hope that I would have hot eggs again. My inner self had to negotiate my expectations and what I was used to in contrast with what was in front of me.
Cold-boiled eggs became a metaphor for cultural nuance. Nuances are the unspoken beliefs we carry that inform our behavior. Each time I ate the cold eggs, my nuances had to be negotiated. With each bite, there was a negotiation.
Growing up as an American citizen in a US territory exposed me to cultural nuances on both sides. On one side, I had my country’s culture, which had roots and an identity centered around one set of values before being taken by the US. Then, I had the American cultural nuances, which, in many ways, ruled over ours. Overnight, our country had to quickly navigate and adapt to a new system: language, beliefs, and nuances. However, this context afforded me a broader view of the tension between two cultures and how each side saw each other. Thus, I am familiar with seeing Americans as entitled.
Cultural nuances clash all the time. We talk about it constantly, yet we keep failing at it. We travel, and even when not trying, we carry expectations and nuances that conflict with our host country. Some of us deal with grace. Some of us could be more gracious.
© Alma Hoffmann, 2024
I ate the cold eggs because it became clear that asking them to make me hot eggs would not be productive. It would be unnecessary discomfort. It was not an a la carte menu; it was a buffet. Asking for hot eggs would have been seen as an entitlement, and rightly so. I had to adapt.
During the trip, we visited different towns. Some of these towns were more used to tourists than others. Some of the hotels were more modern than others. Some hotel staff were more used to dealing with tourists than others. We were tourists, and we showed that in everything we did. Our impatience waiting in the sun (yes, it was hot, but Italians wait in the sun all the time); our impatience with our “short walks”— okay, that was mostly me; our impatience with the lack of air conditioning, and so on. Some of these are legitimate reasons to say something, but the way we say it and what we expect from it are three different things.
With differences of opinion, Americans want to get to the bottom quickly. Other cultures, however, engage in a conversation to get there, whatever the bottom might be. For instance, asking for a refund as the first option in a negotiation might be met with a wall, even if it is warranted. In some cultures, one has to let them think that the solution we desire is their idea.
An Italian-Indian street vendor and I got into a little squabble. (For the record, I much prefer street vendors to big-name stores. My grandpa used to sell clothes from the trunk of his car.) This vendor would not accept credit cards even though he had the machine. I had cash, but not enough. So, I offered to return with cash or take an item out of my bag. A whole back and forth ensued about paying half credit and half cash. Over and over, I refused. Italians are not afraid to be intensely expressive about disappointments, but neither am I. We raised our voices a little, and he let me go with the merchandise, though I insisted he keep it. Was he still making a buck? Absolutely. Does it bother me that he let me walk away with it because he was still making a buck? Not at all. Our nuances, however, took a little beating. I sincerely wanted to return with the full amount and wasn’t in a hurry. But our language differences held us back from reaching an understanding.
© Alma Hoffmann, 2024
In a country oversaturated with tourists, I’d expect the threshold for tolerating nuance might sometimes run thin. It was cold-boiled eggs only part of the time. Mostly, I met amazing people. And my after-lunch double espressos were delicious.
We might not be able to solve the clashes of our cultural nuances completely, but we can certainly learn to smooth them out.
Alma Hoffmann is a freelance designer, design educator, author of Sketching as Design Thinking, and editor at Smashing Magazine. This was originally posted on Temperamental amusing shenanigans, Alma’s Substack dedicated to design, life, and everything in between.
All imagery © Alma Hoffmann.